**Ληο (Leo λ)** @tindall@cybre.space · Apr 04, 2018, 03:56

**Ληο (Leo λ)** @tindall@cybre.space · Apr 04, 2018, 03:56

Ληο (Leo λ) @tindall@cybre.space

Apr 04, 2018, 03:56

So I talked to my therapist about transition. And like... I don't know. My body isn't feminine at all. I'm afraid that, even with HRT, I'd never pass. My voice will never change, for instance, and it's rather deep. My face and body are large, tall, square, masculine.

And yet. And yet and yet and yet. It would be so much easier to be that way. It would be so much less painful to exist in the world, and live, and work. And I'm so tired.

**Kara Dreamer ⚧** @kara · 2018-04-04T03:59:28Z

Kara Dreamer ⚧ @kara

trans ⚧♀ Show more

@tindall I admit...I transitioned for mental reasons. my body is secondary

if you're right about yourself, if you're trans, then HRT will be better than any antidepressant or whatever for mood &c.

you'll just _think_ better, you'll have an easier time turning thoughts into words

at least that's how it's been with me

and that alone is worth more to me than any notion of "passing"

like...I'm prepared to go to my grave still being called [deadname] and treated just as a somewhat weird guy...as long as I can still get my hormones and have a brain that actually works

Apr 04, 2018, 03:59 · Web · 0 · 1

**Ληο (Leo λ)** @tindall@cybre.space · Apr 04, 2018, 04:00

**Ληο (Leo λ)** @tindall@cybre.space · Apr 04, 2018, 04:00

Apr 04, 2018, 04:00

Ληο (Leo λ) @tindall@cybre.space

trans ⚧♀ Show more

@kara That's... very legit. I wonder if that would work for me. I hope so.

Thank you <3

**IKEA Femme ⚧ 🏳️‍🌈** @ikea_femme@octodon.social · Apr 04, 2018, 04:21

**IKEA Femme ⚧ 🏳️‍🌈** @ikea_femme@octodon.social · Apr 04, 2018, 04:21

Apr 04, 2018, 04:21

IKEA Femme ⚧ 🏳️‍🌈 @ikea_femme@octodon.social

trans ⚧♀ Show more

@tindall @kara HRT didn't change a ton for me emotionally, but I feel better. And MTF HRT is slower than you think. You can try it, and quit if it feels wrong for quite a while. Most trans women early in transition can stay closeted to people they know in a tight undershirt or small sports bra.

Passing matters to me, but it isn't everything. I enjoyed life as a non-passing trans woman my first semester out of the closet at college.

Good luck and good health in whatever path you follow.

**Ληο (Leo λ)** @tindall@cybre.space · Apr 04, 2018, 04:23

**Ληο (Leo λ)** @tindall@cybre.space · Apr 04, 2018, 04:23

Apr 04, 2018, 04:23

Ληο (Leo λ) @tindall@cybre.space

trans ⚧♀ Show more

@ikea_femme Thank you <3 I really appreciate the advice. It's so hard to navigate this and having the wealth of Internet Trans Experiences to draw on is really awesome

**june** @odinsdream@octodon.social · Apr 04, 2018, 04:58

**june** @odinsdream@octodon.social · Apr 04, 2018, 04:58

Apr 04, 2018, 04:58

june @odinsdream@octodon.social

trans ⚧♀ Show more

@tindall omg I'm so happy for you being at this point already, this is hard work and you're doing great. I'd personally recommend trying hrt, it very likely won't make things worse, and could be a huge step for you!

**IKEA Femme ⚧ 🏳️‍🌈** @ikea_femme@octodon.social · Apr 04, 2018, 04:25

**IKEA Femme ⚧ 🏳️‍🌈** @ikea_femme@octodon.social · Apr 04, 2018, 04:25

Apr 04, 2018, 04:25

IKEA Femme ⚧ 🏳️‍🌈 @ikea_femme@octodon.social

trans ⚧♀, genital ment Show more

@kara I kinda hear you, on that last paragraph. I'm full time, and feel less dysphoria, to the point I feel imposter syndrome over my lack of dysphoria. You don't need dysphoria to be trans, but my brain needs someone to remind it.

And yet I hate the idea of quitting my HRT, and I want SRS. Those things matter to me medically and personally. It'd be rather strange to be a guy with a softer face, breasts, and a neovagina, but that's how much the physical aspect matters.